I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"