when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.