The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
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So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
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Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.