Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.