thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you