He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side