It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.