He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
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It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
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did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.