I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
