It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.