the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"