I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
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Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
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Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.