I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
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I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
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she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.