She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
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What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
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My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.