my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
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She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...