then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
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You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
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I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.