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Last Night in Massachusetts (413)

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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.

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(413): then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man. http://tfl.nu/6mq0

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Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door

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(413): Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door http://tfl.nu/oj7i

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woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.

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(413): woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol. http://tfl.nu/kdb1

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Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys

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(413): Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys http://tfl.nu/qwfv

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I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.

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(413): I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick. http://tfl.nu/84fo

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2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind

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(413): 2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind http://tfl.nu/af2w

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He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date

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(413): He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date http://tfl.nu/21qw

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My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.

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(413): My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that. http://tfl.nu/auq5

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Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.

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(413): Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang. http://tfl.nu/dwae

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he asked me to hangout with him...and his son

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(413): he asked me to hangout with him...and his son http://tfl.nu/p42y

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I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.

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(413): I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say. http://tfl.nu/z11c

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She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?

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(413): She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy? http://tfl.nu/obto

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What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.

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(413): What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix. http://tfl.nu/3okt

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You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.

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(413): You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant. http://tfl.nu/uoqp

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He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.

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(413): He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m. http://tfl.nu/2wu4

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Last Night in Massachusetts (413)

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