then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
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I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
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Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.