He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
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I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
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Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background