I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success