we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
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I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
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I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string