Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
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I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
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Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills