You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Coupleâ€™s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SOâ€”But Now Find Infuriating
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls