Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
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He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
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You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.