Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.