Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (925)

Last Night in California (925)

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(925): View more from California

no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.

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(925): no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes. http://tfl.nu/3pwk

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i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them

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(925): i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them http://tfl.nu/sgsu

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I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs

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(925): I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs http://tfl.nu/k9ok

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2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.

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(925): 2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing. http://tfl.nu/jq9y

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hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?

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Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual

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(408): hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened? (925): Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual http://tfl.nu/smzs

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did we hook up?

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no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt

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(415): did we hook up? (925): no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt http://tfl.nu/pm3u

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im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?

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(925): im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going? http://tfl.nu/wvih

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you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.

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(925): you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes. http://tfl.nu/km2x

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Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.

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(925): Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend. http://tfl.nu/f39g

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Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.

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(925): Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen. http://tfl.nu/fkde

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and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.

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(925): and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know. http://tfl.nu/ctra

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GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.

(1-925): View more from California

Wtf it's a Friday night?

(925): View more from California

PRIORITIZE.

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(925): GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007. (1-925): Wtf it's a Friday night? (925): PRIORITIZE. http://tfl.nu/9mpa

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never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.

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(925): never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont. http://tfl.nu/mow4

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we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks

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(925): we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks http://tfl.nu/odpi

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You make homosexuality sound like a cult.

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(925): You make homosexuality sound like a cult. http://tfl.nu/swwi

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Last Night in California (925)

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