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no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
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