I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.