Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars