I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
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ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
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I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle