What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police