can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
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I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
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Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?