I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.