Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (707)

Last Night in California (707)

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you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!

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(707): you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?! http://tfl.nu/ug5x

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I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever

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(707): I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever http://tfl.nu/38jn

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so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?

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(707): so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before? http://tfl.nu/2y4h

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Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.

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(707): Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo. http://tfl.nu/dtd1

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It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.

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(707): It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling. http://tfl.nu/12gk

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OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.

(1-707): View more from California

Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.

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(707): OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy. (1-707): Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots. http://tfl.nu/h6l1

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there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?

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(707): there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy? http://tfl.nu/j2tm

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Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.

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(707): Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping. http://tfl.nu/7pjn

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last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.

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(707): last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll. http://tfl.nu/u5mu

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so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?

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(707): so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal? http://tfl.nu/w2t0

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i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.

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(707): i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either. http://tfl.nu/icf7

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Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.

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(707): Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman. http://tfl.nu/1yjg

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I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.

(951): View more from California

That's the thing about women.

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(707): I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff. (951): That's the thing about women. http://tfl.nu/3r0z

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I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.

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(707): I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it. http://tfl.nu/citx

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My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.

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(707): My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do. http://tfl.nu/vxoj

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Last Night in California (707)

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