I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.