It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
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I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key