My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
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He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
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She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.