He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
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Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
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She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"