I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He better not be in your backpack
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.