Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.