drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
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They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.