We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time