He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
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Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
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Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.