We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
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It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.