with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating