I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,