Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel