Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
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there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
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I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.