And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile