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WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
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