I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
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After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
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French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??