Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(