You dont lie about slip and slides
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heâ€™s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.