Texts From Last Night

Last Night in North Carolina (336)

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  you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them

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  (336): you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them http://tfl.nu/fxdr
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  I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.

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  (336): I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me. http://tfl.nu/4zk7
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  i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance

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  (336): i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance http://tfl.nu/wpko
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  do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?

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  how high are you?

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  (336): do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos? (828): how high are you? http://tfl.nu/9z76
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  I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."

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  (336): I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On." http://tfl.nu/jjrw
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  I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead

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  (336): I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead http://tfl.nu/oo5k
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  Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.

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  (336): Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her. http://tfl.nu/icjy
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  If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed

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  (336): If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed http://tfl.nu/a070
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  I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.

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  (336): I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty. http://tfl.nu/8sow
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  Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.

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  (336): Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid. http://tfl.nu/ga4m
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  This house was built for laser tag.

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  (336): This house was built for laser tag. http://tfl.nu/32ag
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  nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans

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  (336): nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans http://tfl.nu/j158
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  She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?

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  (336): She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous? http://tfl.nu/rvj0
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  pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.

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  (336): pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand. http://tfl.nu/ttma
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  i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self

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  (336): i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self http://tfl.nu/v0ky
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