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you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
This house was built for laser tag.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
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