Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.