Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper