I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!