Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
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You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
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If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.