Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.