Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.