Texts From Last Night

Last Night in North Carolina (336)

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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.

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  (336): Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her. http://tfl.nu/icjy
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  I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality

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  (336): I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality http://tfl.nu/g1bs
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  walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.

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  (336): walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life. http://tfl.nu/o34i
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  Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.

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  (336): Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex. http://tfl.nu/1j3r
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  We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her

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  (336): We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her http://tfl.nu/niqc
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  She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?

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  (336): She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous? http://tfl.nu/rvj0
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  I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.

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  (336): I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm. http://tfl.nu/32ib
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  He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.

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  (336): He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid. http://tfl.nu/xe46
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  He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.

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  (336): He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one. http://tfl.nu/csjr
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  He asked me if I "almost moaned"

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  (336): He asked me if I "almost moaned" http://tfl.nu/8ba0
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  I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead

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  (336): I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead http://tfl.nu/oo5k
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  I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.

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  (336): I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked. http://tfl.nu/6qrx
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  pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.

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  (336): pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand. http://tfl.nu/ttma
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  Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.

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  (336): Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh. http://tfl.nu/7dtp
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  i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.

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  (336): i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night. http://tfl.nu/mqbm
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