Actions speak louder than pants.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
where are you?
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.