I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
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My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
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