You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
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I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
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And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music