Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
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I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
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Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now