I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...