She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk