When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO