The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card