The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
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I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
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You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card