She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it