She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.