I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.